I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
