its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
