My sheets look like a crime scene.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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