We won't sleep together?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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