No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
