HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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