This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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