I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
