My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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