its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
