Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
