Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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