I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
