Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can text with my tongue
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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