Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
