oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hippo gnu deer
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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