wrigley field is MILF paradise
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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