Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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