remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
