double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
