Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
