He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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