I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
