i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
