There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
