smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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