And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
