Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
