it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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