found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
