a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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