i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
