Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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