oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Help. Why am I so naked?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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