dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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