therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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