i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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