You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
