bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
