"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
