some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
