Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
