I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
