I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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