soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
