found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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