I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
