I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
