$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize