You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
