but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
