I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Im part way to drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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