We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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