but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
