not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
