You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
