oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
