I cannot find my penis.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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