so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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