Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
