How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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