So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
