I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
