Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
