Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
