Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
