Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
