So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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