I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
